I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
