there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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