these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
