my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
