Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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