I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
