How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
