Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
