the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
