Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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