so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
