For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
