Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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