That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I deserve this hangover.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
