We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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