Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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