I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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