Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
