After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
God, I missed his penis.
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