Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
