creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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