Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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