when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
