I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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