I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i think i just lost a toe
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
