Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
