i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
