I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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