he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Still dying that you shit outside
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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