last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
