I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
