I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
