i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
