Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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