in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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