history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
