is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I just sharted jello shots
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