how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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