The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
