just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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