Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
