He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
whose parrot is this?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
