i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
