I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
