I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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