just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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