I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
