Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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