I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
