Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
