We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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