If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
