Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
