apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
