so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
